I think they don't put the word festivius on cards because nobody seems to know how to spell it. It's not even listed in my copy of the 'Hillbilly Pocket Dicshunary'.

Well, since Festivs is an urban holiday (Seinfield) it's probably not gonna make it into the 'Hillbilly Pocket Dicshunary"

Happy 2014, everyone! Hope you got the models and modeling stuff you wanted!

Wishing you all a happy and healthy New Year!

Tom

Well, I've got a Pug, I'm not sure I want her anywhere near my models. Can you say "Klutz" buys and girls?

This isn't well known but in an alternate universe, John Lennon became a successful restaurateur, opening chains of fish and chip shops worldwide. He began to notice trends though, especially in America, where the mushy peas weren't popular. He tried all manner of alternative presentations without success until one day he tried running the peas through a blender. This seemed to be a little better and the peas stayed on the menu. Sales never really took off until he began a marketing campaign. First it was tiny signs on the tables, then flyers mailed throughout the neighbourhood, then he hired a songwriter and created the most popular TV ad in history. It had a catchy jingle which went something like "All we are saying, is give peas a chance!" and the announcer closed out the ad with "Embrace whirled peas!"

The legend of Bud Reiser
As a young boy, Bud Reiser could sell anything. His lemonade stand was a success. When he helped his sister sell Girl Scout Cookies, she outsold every girl in the region.
When Bud was old enough, he got a job at Sears. They started him out in Men’s Apparel; he outsold everyone in the department. They transferred him over to tools, he excelled. They moved him over to Women’s Apparel soon they were setting sales records. Even furniture excelled when he ran that department. Soon he was made store manager. The store led the district in sales. Bud couldn’t be stopped.
Before long Bud became the regional manager, of course the region excelled. Soon Bud was called to Chicago to be Vice President of Sales. Sears started to crush the competition; they were selling more than any other chain in the country.
Everyone at Sears was glad when they made Bud the President.
After the promotion, Bud went into his office, closed the door and yelled, “I’m Bud Reiser, the King of Sears!"

January 25th has come around once again. It's time to hoist a wee dram in memory of Scotland's favourite poet.

On the menu tonight, Haggis, tatties and neeps, accompanied by your choice of single malt.

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the pudding-race!
Aboon them a' yet tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o'a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin was help to mend a mill
In time o'need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An' cut you up wi' ready sleight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin', rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
Bethankit! hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad make her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckles as wither'd rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash;
His nieve a nit;
Thro' blody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs an' arms, an' hands will sned,
Like taps o' trissle.

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer
Gie her a haggis!

Well, if haggis is the main course, single malt may need to be the first two courses...

Glenlivet neat, please. Hold the haggis. Ah! Dinner is served!
Cheers!*clink*

Next week in Poutine week here in the Great White North. Now serving: Heart attack on a plate.

Russell loved the poem High Flight. It seems that Governments can't leave good things alone though.

High Flight
(with Transport Canada Supplemental notes)

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth(1),
And danced(2) the skies on laughter silvered wings;

Sunward I've climbed(3) and joined the tumbling mirth(4)
Of sun-split clouds(5) and done a hundred things(6)

You have not dreamed of -- Wheeled and soared and swung(7)
High in the sunlit silence(8). Hov'ring there(9)

I've chased the shouting wind(10) along and flung(11)
My eager craft through footless halls of air.

Up, up the long delirious(12), burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights(13) with easy grace,

Where never lark, or even eagle(14) flew;
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod

The high untrespassed sanctity of space(15),
Put out my hand(16), and touched the face of God.
____________________________NOTES_________________________


1. Pilots must insure that all surly bonds have been slipped entirely before aircraft taxi or flight is attempted.

2. During periods of severe sky dancing, crew and passengers must keep seatbelts fastened. Crew should wear shoulderbelts as provided.

3. Sunward climbs must not exceed the maximum permitted aircraft ceiling.

4. Passenger aircraft are prohibited from joining the tumbling mirth.

5. Pilots flying through sun-split clouds under VFR conditions must comply with all applicable minimum clearances.

6. Do not perform these hundred things in front of Transport Canada inspectors.

7. Wheeling, soaring, and swinging will not be attempted except in aircraft rated for such activities and within utility class weight limits.

8. Be advised that sunlit silence will occur only when a major engine malfunction has occurred.

9. "Hov'ring there" will constitute a highly reliable signal that a flight emergency is imminent.

10. Forecasts of shouting winds are available from the local Environment Canada Weather Office. Encounters with unexpected shouting winds should be reported by pilots.

11. Pilots flinging eager craft through footless halls of air are reminded that they alone are responsible for maintaining separation from other eager craft.

12. Should any crewmember or passenger experience delirium while in the burning blue, submit an irregularity report upon flight termination.

13. Windswept heights will be topped by a minimum of 1,000 feet to maintain VFR minimum separations.

14. Aircraft engine ingestion of, or impact with, larks or eagles should be reported to Transport Canada and the appropriate aircraft maintenance facility.

15. Aircraft operating in the high untresspassed sanctity of space must remain in IFR flight regardless of meteorlogical conditions and visibility.

16. Pilots and passengers are reminded that opening doors or windows in order to touch the face of God may result in loss of cabin pressure.

Great work Jessica, I really needed a good laugh!

having grown up here in South Canada, I frikin love poutine.
I have a buddy in Drummondville. might have to drive up there just for a good lunch.

Well the gravy and cheese curds aren't doing it for me, I'll try the chili cheese fries tho.

Nice one Jessie, though maintaining cloud clearance minima in a cumulus filled sky is a massive strain. Any pilot relates to that poem

Tonight in the cabaret we'll have some jazz. And for the audience, here are the words so you can sing along with me:

Miss the forums next week
'Cause I'll be out the door
Have to manage without you
Won't be around much anymore

I just got a new job
Earning money, it's for
'Cause of that you won't see me
Won't be around much anymore

Well darlings, I guess my mind's more at ease
But nevertheless, it's right here I won't be.

I've been invited to work
Haven't got any more
Time to be in here with you
Won't be around much anymore

Darlings, I guess, my mind's more at ease
But nevertheless, it's right here I won't be.

I've been invited to work
Haven't got any more
Time to be in here with you
Won't be around much anymore

Oh baby, won't be around much anymore

Yes folks, once again I join the ranks of the gainfully employed so my participation here at Aeroscale will necessarily need to be cut back, simply because I find it incredibly difficult to multi-task from two different parts of the city at once.

Don't worry about any of your MOM entries or feature articles; I'll still have plenty of time to attend to them so feel free to continue submitting them. If you must feel pity, spare a thought for my soon-to-be poor neglected models, who will be without their mother's loving company for too much of the day.

Well done Jess and remember they are lucky to have you. I just cannot figure out the tune from the lyrics.

It's a standard:

Hi Jessica,
Glad things are improving on the job front for you. Of course we will be sad to see less of you around here.

Good luck with the new job and I hope it all goes well.

Cheers,
Jim

Jessica,
Congrats on the new job. More money for models. I've gone the other way and have been semi retired since Dec. Just 4 days 32 hrs per week.
Joel

Congratulations Jessica! I guess this means you're buying the next round.

I'm going to be back on the market in a few months myself.

30 year single malt please.

Just stopping by for a quick one. Lots of work and now I have a society asking me to be a editor. Work work work. . .